Everyone tells me to relax, that I need to take a break. Even if its just for a minute I need to just sit down and concentrate on myself amidst all this chaos. There are several breaks in my life, its just that none of them are for me. I am struggling with finding and/or making time for myself and not feeling guilty for it. I know that it can be done, but before I can do that I must do these other things first. Sleep is also something that I can barely make myself do nowadays too. I try, I lay in bed late at night, or to some early in the morning trying to clear my head of all that is going on. Talking to whoever, or whatever is listening, but never to someone actually in the room. I can feel myself losing my grip on sanity, and on time. I barely even know what day it is, let alone what time of day it is more than half of the time. Some days I eat, and some I just completely forget to eat. Days I feel dizzy, and like I can’t focus, most of the time I just feel EXHAUSTED, with no end insight. I try and escape through any means possible, books, games, tv, movies, music, nothing takes me away. I feel like I could take a nap at any given time, but when I try I seldom sleep. Sleep is elusive more now than ever, but at least I can say I get to see the sunrise now every once in awhile.
Posted on Sunday, 17 April 2011